What Am I Doing…?

As much as I like driving, it’s becoming depressing. Driving relaxes me, but lately, I’ve been thinking more negative thoughts. Not as bad as last month, but still negative. Will I teach next semester? Everyone is suddenly asking me this question, and all I can say is, “I don’t know.” And that’s the honest truth. Sometimes I feel that I can teach next semester, but as much as I dislike what I’m doing and what I’m feeling, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle another five months of this.

As I was checking my email, I get this notice from Westgate Corporation. They’re still interested in hiring me as an English language instructor. I saved the email and thought about whether to reply or not. Do I want to teach for another year—and in another country? As I drove home, thinking my negative thoughts, I weighed the pros and cons:

Good things:
a) students that I’ll be teaching actually WANT to learn
b) new environment—country, culture, classes (so much for me to learn!)
c) hone the English language teaching skills
d) experience for the résumé
e) I may become a better teacher

Bad things:
a) teaching English language, not literature
b) grading
c) teaching one whole year (from August to August)
d) Could I handle the stress that I feel now in another country?

Obviously, the good things outweigh the bad. When I got home, I replied to the recruiter and told her that I was able to fulfill the requirement she mentioned, and that I was still interested in the position. After the email was sent, I felt a bit excited. Teaching in Japan can’t be as bad as teaching in an American high school. They are two different environments and two different attitudes towards learning, so naturally, I would be a different kind of teacher.

I hope I can do this…