The Psyche of Asian Submissiveness

There's a stereotype that all Asians are politely mannered and submissive, that we're such a friendly people. Maybe it's a cultural thing that all Asian parents teach their children. They encourage them to always do their best. I'm sure that non-Asian parents teach their kids those same ideals and values that hard work pays off, but I think that there's an element that is missing when Asian parents try to instill in their children those same ideals.

I could never actually describe this element... until now. It's that weird submissiveness psyche. I've always been taught that girls should never be forward, and I believed it was some age-old sexism that a woman's place is in the home; an independent and headstrong woman will never find a husband. A husband feels that it is his role to take care of his wife, and a woman who can take care of herself is a turn-off to any man who wants a traditional household. Believe it or not, this ideal is very much alive in Asia.

But I don't think it is much sexism as it is the psyche of being Asian. People from Asia with different cultures are at opposite poles with American ideals. In retrospect, I saw a lot of it back in my old university. And I'm seeing it more now in the job market. Asian parents only encourage their children to do their best, while I believe that Caucasian parents encourage independence. These two things-- doing one's best versus independence-- can alter the way a child will grow.

My parents have always taught that I should just do my best. If I ever failed, well... at least I tried. Those were always the comforting words: "At least you tried." Now as a teacher, I'm seeing it all over again. My Asian kids just seem to do the work, they sometimes participate in class, and they accept whatever I give them. They whole heartedly believe that if they do everything, they will get the best grade they possibly could. My Caucasian students are different. Why do they always challenge me? Why do they always argue with me when I give them a grade that they don't like? Why do they try to bargain with me when they fail assignments?

I took it as a sign of disrespect when they come up to me and argue their grade when it's not to their liking. But then I realized something: it's that very skill that makes them more competitive in college and most of all, in the job market. In college, I rarely participated in class, but all my White classmates said a lot. I begin to wonder, how much of their thinking has influenced the classroom to the point where it had affected my learning? I will never know because I never voiced my opinion and my perspective. I sat and listened. Sometimes I participated. I never argued about my grades even when I should have (like those shitty poetry and grammar classes taught by professors who didn't like their subject matter and obviously didn't care about seriously teaching it.) In the meantime, I've heard stories of my White classmates setting up appointments to see their professors during office hours, they loudly voiced their opinions in a lecture class, and in one case, I remember a male student arguing with a professor about abortion laws. I would never have the guts to do that-- not even in the privacy of an office.

And in the job market... while I hang back and politely introduce myself and answer all the questions, I see my White competitors taking initiative by making themselves known and heard. I came upon this two years ago while I was in the credential program. There was a job fair for teachers. I went and talked to some of the people and handed out my resumé. I made ten copies of my resumé and I only handed out three. I was intimidated at that fair. Intimidated by all the White people; intimidated that when I was talking to a recruiter, a White girl stood behind me eagerly waiting for her turn with resumé in hand; intimidated that while I waited to talk to a recruiter, a White person could talk for an endless five minutes to make himself or herself stand out from the crowd, saying everything from their name to other bits of information that was never on their resumé . They took control of their conversations, asking all sorts of questions. To sum it all: it looked like they were interviewing the recruiters. They took initiative.

After the conference, I talked to some friends in the same credential program. I only handed out three resumés while my classmate, who we used to tease as our "token White guy," handed out eight of his ten copies. I felt like a loser.

I've always believed that doing my best would always get me far, but now I'm thinking differently. Competing for a job is fierce and I have to be aggressive and prove to people that I am the best. Yet doing that is so difficult because it was never in my mentality to be aggressive. It's like being something I'm not. I believe in hard work, but I always thought it would pay off and I will get my rewards. In this case, I have to fight for my rewards.

I feel that that is what's missing in the dynamic of teaching Asian kids success. They are only taught that hard work is good, but hard work is just the basic thing. Competition and taking initiative are just as important. It's a mentality that is not really instilled in Asian culture.

I have a job fair to attend to this week. I may have more experience than those newbie fledgling student-teachers in the credential program, but that doesn't guarantee that I'll get a job. If there's one thing that I learned from Japan, it was that everyone saw me as the aggressive and individualistic American because I spoke my mind too much. But that was Japan; I need to stick out more here in America just as I stuck out too much over there. So, now I have a goal. I have ten newly updated resumés , and I better hand out at least five or more. (It depends on how many interesting districts will be there. I'm picky that way.)

Fledging student-teachers, beware!