Filipina Heart, My A$$!

While working on this blog last night, the advertisement above my site caught my attention with this link: Filipina Heart. I thought, "Cool! A Filipino site!" So I clicked on the link, and I was almost offended. I did not think that mail order bride services still existed today, but maybe I'm that naive. 

Why did this site offend me? Two reasons: one--I am a bit of a feminist, and two--the site perpetuates stereotypes. First of all, the feminist inside of me screamed out, "Women are not possessions!" Although these women are not being bought or sold, per se, the site offers unfair services to men. Since this is a mail-order bride service, the men are not from the Philippines. Why would a Filipino man pay to meet Filipina women, you know? The men have to pay for using Filipina Heart's services, such as obtaining addresses of the women they are interested in. If they would like to meet the women, it's money out of their pocket to obtain immigration papers, such as visas, and possibly the plane ticket itself. This can get expensive, and the only men who would be willing to pay the financial costs and go through the legal paperwork often come from rich countries, such as the U.S. 

The fact that the women don't have to pay for using Filipina Heart's services perpetuates the "gold-digger" stereotype. In many third world/developing countries, people are desperate to leave their country for better opportunities. Filipino citizens are no different from other poor Asian countries, but the Philippines is a special case because of their connection to the United States. The U.S. acquired the Philippines in 1898 after the Spanish-American War and it became U.S. territory. The U.S. military built their bases and prostitution rose, giving birth to many stereotypes about vigorous Filipinas behind closed doors. And it was the military men in early 1940s that started stereotyping Filipina women as submissive and loyal--a stereotype that is still prevalent today about many Asian women, not just Filipinos. Here is a sample of Filipina Heart's generalization about its women using that very stereotype:

Why choose a Filipina? Women from the Philippines are noted for their beauty, grace, charm and loyalty. With their sweet nature and shy smiles, Filipina's posses an inner beauty that most men find irresistible. Filipinas are by their nature family-orientated, resourceful and devoted. What's more, English is one of the official languages of the Philippines, so communication is straight forward, and as the majority of Filipinas are Christian, cultural compatibility is easier than some other Asian countries.

I can give you socioeconomic reasons for why Filipina women are this way. The family structure in third-world countries is traditional with male dominance and female submissiveness. It's not surprising to find women in abusive relationships, or to be surrounded by husbands, brothers, or fathers with Filipino machismo running through their veins. Sweet nature and shy smiles, my ass! It's fear, and it's a catch-22. This same fear is what keeps them at home. 

For those who are already married, let's face the reality that the Philippines is a poor country. Even if these women decided that they could leave, where would they go? They've got kids, no job, no money, therefore, they are "devoted." Filipina women--whether they were prostitutes or not--found it easy to leave the Philippines if they married a man from the military, giving rise to the "gold-digger" stereotype. I realize that the owners of the company have decided that the men have to pay for their services, and that indirectly makes the women look like gold-diggers. But I've looked through the ads and some of these women are well-educated with Bachelor degrees or students working towards a degree. They must have decent-paying jobs. So why don't they pay? Even if it is a mail-order bride service and they are the ones being "bought," if they can't afford the plane ticket or the visa, they can at least shell out some money for the international on-line service if they can pay for college. That's a pittance compared to what the men have to pay. 

Unlike old traditional mail-order bride services of yore, these women are not recruited. The feminist inside of me believes that this service should be fair and equal to both men and women. If women willingly sign up to use the service just like men, then they should pay for it just like men. The fact that Filipina Heart's owners have decided that only the men have to pay makes me suspicious of the owners' intentions. The owners of Filipina Heart are an Asian-Western couple, so they say. That's great, but it makes me wonder why they specialize in mail-order brides. If they had met through a regular on-line dating/personals service, like Yahoo! Personals, I'm assuming they wanted to start a matchmaking service to advocate that on-line dating is successful. If that were the case, they would have had equal services for both men and women to open up the field a little wider, like having Filipino men post ads, too. I'm sure that all on-line dating services like to hear that the people who used their services ended up in marriage. It's a success story that any service would proudly advertise, but marriage is not the ultimate end-goal. Yahoo! Personals encourages friendships, pen pals, and dating. If there was a fee for subscribing, it's equal that both men and women pay for it if they are interested in it. 

With Filipina Heart, the end-goal is marriage, and since it's the men who shell out the cash, it makes me think that Filipina Heart is merely a service to help Filipina women get out of the Philippines. The men pay a fee, and this obviously goes to the owners (part income, part website maintenance, I'm sure). The marriage aspect guarantees that the Filipina women will leave their poor country behind them, and that the men who sponsor them out of the Philippines are usually financially stable. For the men, it would appear that they are getting a "perfect" bride who is submissive and loyal. And vigorous. If any man is interested in using their services, I should give fair warning about a Filipina woman's loyalty. After you marry her, she'll start asking you to sponsor her family to come over. That's extra $$$ to get her mother, father, give or take a couple siblings to come to the United States or wherever you live. If not, both of you will be sending money to her family. Also, like adopting children from poor countries, you want to make sure that your new bride is healthy and free of disease, and that she gets the proper immunizations upon arrival. That's right, "upon arrival;" poor people can't always afford regular doctor check-ups. 

Anyway, I'm a bit sick of this right now. I need to forget the sadness of my country's situation. Not that I take this mail-order bride thing lightly. Quite the opposite. I do think about poverty every once in a while because my mother has lots of stories about it. I am Filipina, but I was raised in the United States. My parents met in this country after they had immigrated from the Philippines. No mail-order bride services. They met the traditional way: bumping into each other, and falling desperately attracted to each other's Filipino wiles and common interests in ampalaya recipes. Maybe I take it for granted that I live in a country that is rich, and I don't know how desperate I would be either if I were living in the Philippines today. While writing this, I realize the good fortune I have. I have the luxury of making choices and of having numerous options that I can choose from if I want to improve my life, and not one of them involves getting married to fulfill a financial need. I do feel sorry for some of these women. Their option is to find a way out of poverty first by "selling" themselves.