I hate what having a night job does to my sleeping cycle. Notice the time stamp on this post? I’m more alert and aware at night than during the day. This sucks because I don’t feel like doing anything during the sunlight hours, which leads me to believe that I am a sloth. That's how I feel anyway. Up until three years ago (when I started this job), I was a morning person who was ready to wake up at 6am at any given day. Not anymore. I try to do productive things, like set up a “to do” list, but that hardly works. It is finished in less than three hours, and the rest of the day I have to myself. Fatigue always sets in right before I need to go to work, so I take a quick nap. Basically, I sleep most of the day, and I stay up most of the night. I don’t know whether I like this backward cycle or not. I guess sleeping-in is justified, given the evening hours I work and the wired-aftermath of coming home late, but I still feel like a lazy-ass.

I’ve had plenty of things on my mind today, and feeling like a sloth was just one of them. The other thing was trying to solve the sloth problem by finding a day job. But since every school district I have applied to has given me the tacit rejection, I don’t think I’ll be teaching this year. It’s a fact that I’ve come to accept, and have resigned myself to doing other things until I can try again next year. It’s so strange how advertisements exaggerate the shortage of teachers here in California. I don’t think there is a shortage if school districts can easily reject new teachers upon graduation. There is obviously a surplus if they’re just going to keep my application along with other applicants so they have a ready pool of substitutes and replacements. But that’s just my bitterness talking.

On the other hand, maybe not teaching this year is a sign that I’m not meant to teach. I need the year off to stop and smell the roses and reflect my life. It sounds corny, but have you ever rushed to do something because you wanted it so badly, and then when you finally have it, you’re not sure if you really want it because you never stopped to think about it? That’s me. Straight from high school, straight into college, and straight into a teaching credential program, and now that I’m a licensed English teacher, I’m doubtful about getting into the profession. I ask myself often: was there anything else out there for me?

I never really stopped to think about it.

Being back on the net makes me a bit cautious. By nature, I’m an extremely private person who will only reveal herself to very a close inner circle of friends and family. I thought about how much to reveal myself here on this blog, but if it’s only my thoughts that I share, then it’s hardly personal at all. Why did I even sign up for this webspace? I hear myself asking.

I’m paranoid about people connecting this blog to me. Back in 1996, when I was a freshman in college high on internet fever, I was immensely into the chat scene where I met several people from all over the country via my computer screen. Then I realized that I had no life because chat was more fun than meeting real people. Pathetic. Not only that, the people I met online turned out to be psychos, pedophiles, anime fanboys, and lovesick puppies who couldn’t be with the person they thought was THE ONE because she lived across the country (not me, per se). The weird thing is that people will readily reveal themselves over the internet to strangers because strangers won’t judge them. That’s what I got: a lot of people explaining their problems to me because they thought I could help them. All the while, I kept thinking to myself, “God, you are pathetic," and "I hope I don’t turn out like them.” So, as my sister calls it, I committed “internet suicide.” I stopped all chat, changed my email address, took down a couple of websites, and never responded to emails from online “friends.” I focused on my REAL life, bonded with REAL people, and had a blast without all that online drama.

Now, I’m back. I hope those online people don’t find me again.

Testing... testing...

Welcome to my blog (what a weird word).

It's my first attempt to re-acclimatize myself into the web community, so please bear with me. When a friend of mine introduced blogs to me, my interest went only as far as reading them. It's an interesting concept: people sharing their lives for the world to read. For a brief moment, I can peer into someone else's head and read what's on their mind, and I traverse with them as they detail the highs-and-lows of their days. You probably think it's pathetic that I have nothing better to do than read the comings-and-goings of total strangers. Maybe. But it's amazing to find how much you have in common with people across the country, even around the world. And contrary to popular belief, there is intelligent lifeform out there. Of course, you have to read the right blogs.

So, here I am. I jumped onto the bandwagon. Not that this guarantees that I'm an intellectual; that's entirely up to you, dear reader. I don't even know how often I'm going to update this site. Whenever the surge of dementia strikes me, I suppose. Not that maintaining a blogsite is difficult, given the easy 1-2-3 steps of eBlogger publishing. Call me a lazy website owner; I just want to get published. As for content, that could easily range from rants to creativity to miscellanea... alas, even that is only a minute percentage of what goes on in my head. Well, whatever makes its way onto this site will make its way onto this site.

My own little space on the web. I think I'm tickled pink. We'll see how long this fancy keeps up.