Monday, April 15, 2013

The Reality is... (or the Second Boston Massacre)

As I'm starting this entry, there are so many thoughts going through my head that I second-guess myself and think I shouldn't be writing this now. The country is still reeling and investigations are just beginning. Everything I am reading on the internet are somewhat incomplete stories and tidbits of the explosion at the Boston Marathon.

I am taken back to 9/11. When that tragedy happened, I was still in the teaching credential program. It was a normal school day, but it wasn't so normal after watching the replayed events on TV that morning. I started a journal for myself on that very same day: I was angry that so many innocent people died, I was angry that a group of paranoid and cowardly hijackers had to attack America by taking hostages, but I was also angry at myself. I had never felt so ignorant of the world than at that moment. I promised myself that I would pay more attention to the news and politics and global relationships. Although I feel myself more knowledgeable than a decade ago, I still feel that I'm not doing enough or that I still don't know enough.

Earlier today, in the middle of a patriotic celebration to commemorate the start of the American Revolution, the Boston Marathon was ruined by two explosions. The White House called it an "act of terror." And again, I am left with those same feelings I once felt on 9/11. I am angry that so many innocent people are injured and dead; I am angry at the individuals who did this, for they struck at blameless civilians; and I am angry at myself again, because I feel helpless and paranoid and ignorant all over again. As a logical person, I need to control my anger--which I admit, is a strong word. Maybe I am more frustrated, and in my frustration, I entertain ignorant and racist and stereotypical thoughts. This is dangerous, and so I realize that I must let my frustration end as it is and not let it fester unleashed.

In an effort to feel less ignorant, I began to search on Google News and Yahoo! News for any information on the explosions in Boston. There were quite a few personal stories of families finding each other in the chaos, of runners' firsthand accounts of the explosion, of the technical difficulties of cell phones, and of the efforts of policemen and women and emergency services to control the scene. I was interested in reading about the details--who was at fault? When did it happen? How many people were hurt? Where did it exactly happen? What happened afterwards? On the internet, I found a good amount of websites that offered both stories and photos.

I was very hesitant to look at photos. The experience of looking at photos from a current event is entirely different than looking at photos from historical events. This Boston Marathon-Massacre will be a historical event that will be logged in future textbooks and archived on the internet for all time, but right now, it hits too close to home, and the images are too shocking and painful to look at. I have seen captions with warning signs of raw video footage and graphic photos. I saw two photos of a blood-stained streets and sidewalks and that was enough for me. As I skimmed through websites that offered visual representation of details, I began to worry about the amount of pictures and video that made its way to the web for everyone to see.

News is ubiquitous, and so is the internet. We are becoming a very visual community due to slick advertising, Instagram, and companies with visible and popular trademark logos. In our media, which is saturated with either too much reality TV or fantasy films or consumer-made media (aka YouTube), there isn't much context for visuals. Seeing two photos of blood on the ground was depressing and sad enough for me. It hit me deeply that this event just happened at noon, earlier today, and as of this moment, three people died, including a small child. It hit me that, although Boston is on the other side of the coast, this is still America and it happened on my homeland. It hit me that this is the third terrorist event that I have seen in my lifetime. It hit me that we are living in an increasingly volatile world. This is my reality.

I skipped over links that had warning signs "due to their graphic nature." And then I began to think of my students. I honestly have doubts that people younger than me would not hesitate to click and see those photos. In their reality, this tragedy is so far from their own lives. They would view those photos to test their own courage and squeamishness over graphic content. They would empathize for a brief 10 seconds, but be glad that it didn't happen in Southern California. Maybe I am generalizing too quickly, but for a high school student--who has social media to connect with friends, who watches reality TV, who watches fantasy films or romanticized movies with happy endings or America will always win--reality does not set it too deeply with young people unless it is of a very personal nature. Unless some of my students have family in Boston, this historical event is as meaningful as 9/11--too distant to feel its impact.

This second Boston Massacre was reported on Twitter and Facebook alongside credible news agencies. Photos were uploaded independently in all types of media. We are picky about our news sources because we seek objectivity in information, and at the same time, a wealth of photos and news of this event all over the internet can cause such overwhelming confusion because some of the information has no context. We want our information to be free of bias, but raw footage and graphic photos are so unsettling that we can barely construct our own moral parameters to reflect on our own thoughts, our politics, or our feelings. Photos are so instantaneous that we don't have time to think except to just be shocked and disgusted, and then hate the people who did this. Sometimes we are too shocked and disgusted that we can't even sympathize and shrug it off with shallow words: "Oh well."

I am curious to know what my students think. When 9/11 happened, I saw teachers who decided to ignore the event and I saw teachers who watched the news with their kids, but most of those teachers were too afraid to talk about it or did not know how to make live history be a learning moment for kids. I will probably come to that tomorrow morning. I might bring it up or they might bring it up. What will their comments reveal about their feelings? What will their reactions say about their understanding and their ability to empathize? I know that I have to prepare myself not to get angry or frustrated in order to answer their questions and address their confusion.

Right now, my thoughts are with Boston. It was a city I have always wanted to visit, for its wealth in American history. I know that when I visit it in the future, it will be a city changed by this event. But I know Boston will pull through this, just as New York City had, just as Oklahoma City had, just as Honolulu had.