Must… not… let the… negativity… sink in.

If I can just get through the week, then it’s another week over, and only that much closer to the end of the semester. I keep telling myself that sold my soul only for five months. It’s a better deal than most fully contracted teachers because at least I can think about quitting—and actually do it if I should so decide. “Day by day,” that’s what I told myself on 09/12/02, when I had suicidal tendencies on my first day of school. Take one obstacle at a time, and several will fall when I actually accomplish something. That’s always a good feeling.

As I need a pick-me up every now and then, I try to do something positive for myself during the week that doesn’t involve stress or student work. I’m trying to regain my sense of egoism. My inspiration for the week: shopping. Shopping is fun when I know what I’m looking for. Mind you, I’m not an “I-think-I-like-this-so-I’m-going-to-buy-it” shopper. I’m more of an “I-need-a-(fill in the blank)-so-I’m-going-to-go-hunt” kind of shopper. I dislike malls, and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I especially dislike the mallrats. A scary prospect is bumping into one of my students in the clothing stores where they buy their clothes, too. I’ve already seen one student who has the same green floral skirt that I also own. It makes me feel old, as if I shouldn’t be wearing the same kinds of clothes that my students wear. Although I wear the clothes more conservatively and more professionally than my students, there’s always that girly competitiveness where we check each other out and see who looks better in the same outfit.

So, what am I hunting for? A dress for a friend’s wedding. I spent four hours in three different malls to look for a nice dress that will go with my body type. Decisions, decisions: two piece or one piece dress? Red or black, gray or burgundy? Plain or printed? With or without the corset? Spaghetti straps or thick straps? With or without a coat/jacket? V-neck (some cleavage) or boat neck (classy conservative)? A-line (hide the maternal hips) or straight cut (give the illusion of slim hips)? The questions are endless. The dresses are everywhere. I just need to find the right one.

Egad! Even shopping sounds like a chore! I hope I don't stress out at the mall.