I Didn't Ask

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I am very careful when I ask for someone's opinion, especially when I ask about myself. I often ask for objective opinions from friends when my own thoughts obscure self-reflection and inner musings. It is not everyday that I ask for others' opinions, so those moments are rare, but it is annoying when someone just has to share their observations--even when I never asked.

Friendships--no matter how close or distant-- still hang on delicate balances. In the past, I know I have offended friends when I opened my mouth and said something. I took it for granted that friends would forgive me because I was being honest and truthful. But just because what I had to say was honest or truthful does not mean it has to be said openly. Most times, people do not want to hear truth out loud. Spoken words are like the knells of church bells, announcing truth to everyone.

I grew more conscious about this as years passed, and I am more careful about the things I say when I am around anyone--whether they are close friends or new acquaintances. No one wants to hear things said about themselves.

Recently a friend emailed me... a long dogmatic email, of which I do not know what prompted such a response. He just had to tell me his observations about me over the past four years--when I never asked. I grew irked that he had nothing to do but keep mental notes about me. Not only that, everything this individual shared was stuff I already knew (because I am self-reflective that way). Did he think he was doing me a favor by telling me this? Did he think he was enlightening me? What was the point, other than to share what he thought about my life and career like it was a casual intellectual discussion one can have about Tolstoy.

I was annoyed. I never asked for his opinion; he just had to share. Nothing he said was hurtful, nor did it make me feel inferior, but I guess I am more annoyed because he was analyzing me all this time. Ugh.

My bottom line thought: Reflect on your own life, not on mine.