In September of 2002, when I first started teaching, I was so stressed out that I would wish to get into a car accident while driving home, so I wouldn't have to go into work the next day. Then I did get into a car accident, and I suddenly regretted my wish because I wasn't stressed anymore.
That feeling--the one of wishing, not regretting--came back again last night while I was driving home.
As an experienced teacher, this is not a good sign.
Recently, I have found myself wishing that I could be a first year teacher again--but I quickly changed my mind. I didn't like the stress, I didn't like the ignorance, and I didn't like my newbie lesson plans. Instead, now I wish I was a second year teacher again. I'm more knowledgeable from the things I learned during my first year, and I wasn't as stressed. What I liked most about being a fledging teacher was being left alone to teach. That's what I miss: being with students.
All these leadership responsibilities get in the way of teaching. They get in the way of me and the students. They get in the way of a lot of things I would like to do. Not only that, colleagues who criticize and complain are worse than students. I feel my position as a department chair is obsolete. Basically, I'm getting paid to be the messenger who gets shot at repetitively. I'm not a leader, I'm a human shield for the department... and they're not even paying me enough for that.
1 comment:
people are more concerned about themselves more than anything here in America. we are always quick to shut others out, until we come across an obstacle that we cannot complete on our own. more often than not, people think about their own self-image far before the needs of others. some do not want to help others in fear of looking weak, while others only do the right thing in front of authority, so that they can be quick to be promoted or receive other benefits.
"leadership is a burden that you have to enjoy"
it's easy to tell someone what to do, and it's even easier to blame it on that person when something goes wrong. there will be times where you have to put your own self-image on the line, in order to do what is right. you will never know when the time comes, or the consequences of your actions until it happens. there is no way to prepare for the inevitable. all that you can do is hope that you will do the right thing. its easier to make decisions when its your own life thats affected, rather than that of another's.
Post a Comment