First Day Suicidal Tendencies

Today was my first day of teaching. To make a long story short, it was successful and disastrous at the same time; successful because I did something great with the kids; disastrous because seeds of self-doubt entered my mind.

Although I passed my first “rite of passage” with flying colors, I felt like a failure nonetheless. With all the pressure and the overwhelming welcomes I’ve received, I just didn’t get enough information about how things work in the school. I was a last-minute hire. I didn’t attend an orientation, I didn’t get the grand tour of the campus, and I wasn’t properly introduced to the school surrounding and setting. I barely knew the bell schedule. I was thrown to the wolves. I felt so lost, and no one was there to hold my hand. I wanted to quit right then and there.

But I signed a contract with this school. My soul, my life, loyalty, and time are theirs. I’m an investment. I cannot fail them. And I sure as hell won’t fail on my own choice.

Failure is not falling down. Failure is not getting back up. I was beaten today, but I survived. Tomorrow is another day. If I must take another beating, then so be it. If I survive, it’s all the better. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger… and hopefully, a better teacher.