FAQs at the Semester

As the semester draws to a close, the two most commonly asked questions that I get asked are:

"What can I do to pass the class?"

My usual response: "Let's see what you could have done to pass my class..."

"Is there any extra credit I can do?"

My response: "I don't do extra credit."


And today's kicker question came from a Filipino student, who, after having explained to her that late work will result with a late penalty of ten points, asked me: "How about five points? Come on... It's about the Pinay hook-up..."

I uttered back: "I don't do racial hook-ups."

Causing Raucous

I participated in my first staff meeting. Participated meaning that I spoke out for the first time. I'm usually a passive person when it comes to faculty meetings, but I became frustrated when other teachers began bashing the English Department. You don't want to go there...

I tried to be objective, but the tone of my voice may have been misconstrued as "venting anger." First of all, the meeting was held in a large resonant room, but for the life of me, I still couldn't hear half of the people on the other side whenever they spoke. When I decided to speak out, I had to use my "teacher voice" in order to be heard. My loud voice must have been misinterpretted as the "angry teacher standing up for the department" as showed by some very strange emails circulating around the English Department praising me and an apology from the teacher who started up the issue that got me fired up in the first place.

I didn't mean to sound like a bitch, but in the end, somehow I always do. I hope that I'm not remembered as the bitch English teacher of the department--or even worse--of the entire faculty. And I hope this doesn't count against me during my probationary period.

2005

I'd like to say that the old drama from 2004 didn't follow me into the new year, but it has. The shit hit the fan and it's already looking pretty grim.

2004

It's the last day of 2004. I didn't do any work that I brought from school. School will resume in three days. I'm totally screwed.

And the only definite plan is that I'm partying tonight.

Loss

"We Might As Well Be Strangers"

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another town

We might as well...
We might as well be strangers

--Keane

Holidays

The only thing I like about the holidays is that it's a vacation away from work, even though I brought work home with me. It's just the fact that I'm not at the school which makes it very relaxing.

Other than that, I really don't like the holidays.

Forms of Compliments

I got some strange compliments this week. And to feed my narcissism, I want to share.

#1: A history teacher caught up with me in the hall and told me that he's been hearing great things about me. "From whom?" I asked. He replied: "Well, my students have been complaining that this [his history class] is their hardest class. I told them, 'Aww, come on. This can't be your hardest class'. As they thought about it, they changed their answer from his class to my English class. 'Yeah,' they agreed, "her class is the hardest!' So, you're doing a good job."

#2: I wore one outfit that most of the English teachers said was, like, the "official" English teacher look. What was I wearing? A gray knee length skirt, a black turtleneck, and long boots. I call it my S&M-sexy librarian look. But the other teachers thought I looked like a very sophisticated English teacher.

#3: My students from my sixth period showed me some love today. Since I trust them, I left my classroom for just a wee-bit (technically, students are not allowed to be left in the classroom without adult supervision--even for a minute). When I returned, they were still doing their work. After school, one of the students told me what really happened. "StudentA went to your computer wanting to see his grade and thought he could change it. But StudentB said, 'No... Come on... It's Ms. G.' StudentB says, 'Yeah... okay,' and returns to his seat." How is that a compliment? They're just good like that. And of course, some good discipline on my part. I must be doing something right.

It was a good week. Next week will be even better.

Sub Day

I took a "day off." Actually, I attended a conference at CSU San Bernardino about the ACT test. Because it was a work day, I had to call for a substitute. My evil twin, who was already stressed out and did not think he could make it till Christmas break, decided to call in sick.

Leaving kids with a sub is not always the greatest thing for some teachers. I felt like a parent leaving their toddler with a babysitter for the first time. I laid out explicit instructions for the day's lesson plan, I even thought about leaving my cell phone number just in case of emergency. I told my kids to be good and all that jazz. My goodness... I am a parent.

After that conference, I called up the twin and asked him if he wanted to go to UC Riverside and hang out at the library and grade work. I noticed something different about him that I'm sure his kids will point out tomorrow:

"You shouldn't have gotten a haircut," I said.

"Why not? I needed it, and today was the perfect day to get my errands done."

"I mean, you went out and got a haircut. You must have been really sick today."

Realization hit. "Damn it! I didn't even think of that! Argh!"

New teachers. So much to learn...

Update

I'm still here. I'm just extremely busy. Teachers have no social lives between September to June. I'm so ready for the holiday break.

So far, my only accomplishment--besides surviving these past four months-- is that I've finally converted my fellow colleague and geek compadre into further geekdom; I got him to watch the first DVD of Escaflowne and he actually likes it. We just hadn't had time to watch the rest of the DVDs... all those classes and those kids are in the way.

Comments I Wish I Could Put On a Report Card

1. Your child is a waste of my time.
2. Your child is such a f**king loser.
3. Your child doesn't care about his/her grade, so why should I?
4. Corporal punishment needed.
5. Your child need not bother come to school. No one wants him/her here.
6. Home schooling is highly encouraged.
7. Alternative/Continuation school recommended.
8. Birth control is highly recommended for your idiot kid to prevent procreation.
9. May I whoop your child upside the head?
10. School/Classroom environment would be better improved without the presence of your moronic spawn of a child.

Bad American

Some of you are going to be mad.

I didn't vote. I wanted to, but I couldn't leave school early enough to make it to my polling place (damn kids...).

My students were actually curious about who I was going to vote for. It's funny how they think that voting is as simple as counting ballots. They imagine that the card I punch holes on will actually have the question, "Who do you want for President: Bush or Kerry?" and that I simply check my choice. That's all they were asking me. What about the propositions? I don't know why those interested me this year.

I try not to talk about religion and politics in the classroom; those are ugly cans of worms. If I get too involved in the debate, I supposedly "taint" students by influencing or impressing my own beliefs to them, for which I can get into trouble with administrators.

FYI, I was for Bush. I have Republican tendencies, contrary to many of the Democratic-ilk of my kind, and much to the hate of my students who are young radicalist Democrats in the making.

Interesting...

"Do the chicken dance!"

I Used To Have a Crush On Him In the 80's

I don't know why James Spader has always been typecast to play smarmy perverted characters, but he does it so well in Boston Legal.

Feeling Guilty

If a student fails, it's because they are not doing their part. That's what I keep telling myself. Every single day, I give it my all. I'm trying to teach, I'm trying to be creative, I'm trying to teach discipline, I'm trying to help, I'm trying to call parents, I'm trying every thing I could think of, and the kid just sits there and still doesn't do anything. I can't force a kid to do his homework. I can't make him take notes. And then when I express a little bit of anger at them, I felt that I failed everything because yelling doesn't accomplish anything either.

It hurts teachers more whenever we give out an F. Students think we give them F's because we hate them.

The Next 24 Hour Meal

Pizza.

I've been craving it a lot lately. I don't know if it's wishful thinking, but I think pizza is the perfect 24-hour meal. You can eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wouldn't really do that though because it's not really healthy. But I do crave it as an afternoon snack, like right around 3:30 when school is out. I have yearnings for pizza or anything with pizza flavoring-- whether it's that cheap taquito at 7-11's, or pizza flavored potato chips, or an actual slice of pizza. What is it about that pizza flavor that makes me yearn nearly every day?

Christopher Reeve, 1952-2004

He will always be Superman in my eyes.

Anagram

Teacher
Cheater

I'm shocked that the most hated word in a teacher's vocabulary can be created by the very same letters.

(And this came upon me as I was driving home.)

The Side Effects of Teaching

I lost my voice. I should be resting it and not talk for a while, but that will be hard given that my job requires me to talk.

How did I lose my voice, you ask? The class from hell.

Immaturity

One of my classes is beginning to frustrate me. I call them my "class from hell" even though half of the class is not as hellish as I make them out to be; after all, the other half of the class are quiet behaved girls. I'm not saying that girls are better than boys, but the breed of boys in this particular class just make me want to smack them upside the head. I begin to wish that corporal punishment was reinstated in California.

English. It's not the most interesting thing in a high school kid's life. It's the most hated subject in schools because it is the most mentally demanding as far as analytical thinking is concerned. And let's face it: kids these days have no endurance for difficult tasks. They give up as soon as they think it's hopeless. This, indeed, is a society of laziness, of baby-boomer spawns who genuinely think they are entitled to anything and everything just because their parents got everything and anything.

Most of all, I hate the stupid responses that kids give me that I can't seem to argue around or against. For example, some kid said to me, "I didn't do my homework... it's because I'm black."
What do you say to that?

The thing that bothers me most is when students complain that English is boring. I don't take it as a personal insult that my subject is boring or that I teach in boring ways, but what bothers me is their apathy. They'll sit there in their seat and just not do the work. It's like banging your head on a wall to get them to do anything. If they're going to sit in my class and refuse to do the work and not care, why can't I just give them an F for the year and not care, too?

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. On that note, why does California require minors to be in school? If high schoolers don't want to come to school, they shouldn't be there. If these kids are so eager to start working to earn their own money, let them. Let them see how hard it is to make ends meet on a minimum wage with limited work hours because they're still under sixteen and can barely drive. They'll all come crawling back anyway...

Sophomore

In Greek sophomore means "wise moron" or "wise idiot." Really, it does.

sophos, wise, and moros, stupid.

That's what I teach--fifteen year old teenagers who think they're on the brink of wisdom, but in reality, are just a bunch of dumb-asses.

Not all of them, but about 80% of them actually fit that description.