Disgruntled

I'm in my fourth year of teaching, and someone once told me that teachers burn out at their fifth year. I didn't believe him, and I said I can't burn out doing something I love.

As a department chairperson, I believe I'm hitting that burnout period now. I'm seeing and learning new things as a department leader. It's like a "behind the scenes" look--not even a look, but more like a peek--of administration. I'm not impressed with what I see at administration or at the district level. There is so much mismanagement and inefficiency that I begin to believe that what I do is futile. No matter how much I want to fight for what is right for students and for teachers, I'm also understanding what is going on at the management level that makes my job that much harder. I feel like I am not supported when I make a decision.

The students are dysfunctional. How can I teach when they lack the basic social skills that is needed to function in society? Manners are the fabric that keep social order, but the students I have in the morning are disrespectful, arrogant, uncaring--the complete physical embodiment of hedonism. They disregard the environment they are in and the people who interact with them. Why does bribery have to be the impetus to get them to do anything? Why do I even have to consider it when I tell students they have to take a test? Whatever happened to doing things just because you have to?

Yet with all these problems that teachers face in the schools everyday, people--even parents-- think that schools will cure society's ills. Society gives us their problems--drug dealers, gangsters, illiterate immigrants, homeless students, runaways, apathetic troublemakers, potential whores, truant hoodlums, and even criminals--and expects them to be socialized into productive members. They want a miracle. Many teachers, myself included, are tired of fixing other people's problems.

People up in their ivory tower are forgetting what schools are about: they are a place of education, not a rehabilitation center. Although we can work at making schools safe, it's no longer a learning environment when we are asked to feed all the poor students, or to counsel pregnant teens, or to study data of why our students are not passing statewide tests. They ask teachers to reflect on their practice and ask ourselves what will make our kids succeed? That's a backhanded way of saying teachers are the problems.

That whole "it takes a village to raise a child" is complete nonsense. Society doesn't want to help raise the child; they dumped the child into our schools and hope that the teachers will raise them--and pass tests. They give us rotten tomatoes and then ask for lemonade.

Sometimes I forget my actual job description.

Reliving My Fanaticism

Early Christmas present to myself.

I bought three DVDs.

Hey, if I'm going to spoil myself, I'm going all out.

Starbucks and tobacco companies

Starbucks has 50% more caffeine than a regular cup of coffee found at restaurants; so just like the tobacco companies, Starbucks will be a company that will be tough to get rid of.

I'm not against Starbucks, but I just had a thought: caffeine is addictive. With the high dosage of caffeine in its coffees, Starbucks is insuring its longevity by creating addicts... just like the tobacco companies.

It's just a thought.

Get Over It and Move On!

When the Tick leeches on, it can't accept change.

There's an important meeting taking place tomorrow, and the Tick is rallying up a battle cry. Everything the Tick does is for the memory of a beloved leader. It reveres this person like African-Americans admire Martin Luther King, Jr. and how Irish people still hang up portraits of John F. Kennedy.

The leader is gone. The leader has a new life. Stop dwelling on the past, Tick, and move on.

The new sheriff in town is a leader for this year, and he has some pretty big shoes to fill, but who says he's not trying?

Parental Pressure

I met a parent today who also happens to work at the school. The parent's kid is in my class. The student is good--in behavior and academics--but it's still difficult to say if he's innately good or pressured into being good.

I get the feeling that he's pressured into being good. Given his parent's approach to asking about his grades, how I teach, my grading standards, I feel that the parent is trying to pressure me into giving the student an A. "He's an A student. If he's getting B's and C's, then we've got some problems," the parent said.

I don't know what the parent meant by the use of "we." We, as in the parent and me are going to butt heads and have issues; or we, as in the parent and child are going to have a long conversation at home?

If I was a first year teacher, I would totally succumb to that pressure. Now that I'm seasoned, I feel much more confident in standing by and defending my grading policies. A's are earned, not given.

If the parent's got issues, well, the buck stops here. I'm also department chair.

Typical Hollywood

When my comic-reading friends would gripe and groan about Hollywood making film versions of beloved graphic novels, I never really understood their "pain," so to speak. My friends would get into long discussions about the politics of comic writers and how their visions become misunderstood when Hollywood is at the helm.

I now share that pain.

My graphic novel: Priest.

A movie is in the works, expected to hit theaters in 2008.

It's a long way off, but I already read a plot summary, courtesy of Internet Movie Database: "A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece. " First of all, Ivan Isaacs, the title character, was adopted when he was a child. He has no niece.

I shudder to think about this movie. Just the plotline already tells me that I will not be satisfied. There are no vampires in the graphic novel. The comic is about a renegade priest who is possessed and bent on revenge. The story is chockful of Biblical references, good versus evil, fallen angels, heaven and hell, God, forbidden love; not to mention it's total blasphemy to all Christians.

In 2008, I don't want to see a remake of John Carpenter's "Vampires", nor do I want to see a movie that is full of CGI, regardless of how well it will be done. I want a movie that has the same elements of the graphic novel.

I want religious blasphemy, horror, and unattainable tortured love. I want the priest who sins, and a devil who dares to do good. I want beautiful angels who commit murder and savages who salvage humanity.

And not that looks matter, but I want someone else to be Ivan Isaacs. As much as I like Gerard Butler, I think he's too mature and too hunky to play a man of the cloth. Ivan was a young man who became a fighter against his will. He wouldn't have had time to work out and be hunky.

Damn you, Hollywood!

Summer Vacation 2007

Summer 2006 is not even officially over yet, and already I got an email and a call regarding my next summer assignment for another international trip.

Spain, Italy, Southern France, and Monaco--here I come in 2007!

Fresh Start

School starts up again next Wednesday. There are plenty of changes this coming year:

1) I'm teaching freshmen (and no one got me a whip)
2) I moved to a new classroom that is closer to the administration's office (*shudder*)
3) lots of new English teachers have been hired (fresh blood!)
4) I'm one of the new co-department chairpersons (and no one got me a whip)

It's going to be a GREAT year.

New Zealand: Day One--Rotorua

We visited a small town where Lord of the Rings was filmed, but we didn't take a tour of the farm that it was film on. We just passed through the town.

We visited a Wai-o-Tapu, which is a large volcanic plateau of craters and mudbaths. This is called the Devil's Bath, and it changes colors from green to yellow, depending on the season.

G'Day, Mate!

I had no plans for summer until opportunity came knocking--actually, it fell in my lap! I'm going on an international trip where kangaroos, vegamite, and kiwis are to be had; where boomarangs are used for hunting, and taking coral from the Great Barrier Reef is illegal.

How did this come about, you may ask? I applied for a position in the People to People program for next year's delegation, and that's how I got my name in a pool. Let's just say that teachers this year backed out due to personal commitments, and therefore, the program was short on two chaperones. I got called to fill in a spot.

I think of it as more of a business trip rather than a pleasure trip because, technically, I will be working. I will be monitoring and chaperoning high school teenagers who are student ambassadors for the program. Not only am I there to ensure their safety, but also to ensure that they do not do anything shameless that could embarrass and damage relationships between the United States and Australia and New Zealand--oh yeah!--and instruct them on cultural sensitivity. Not that teenagers could do anything irreparable on an international level (*august thinks of Michael Fay's caning in Singapore for graffiti.*)

No pressure...

I leave next Sunday, and I will be gone for three weeks, just in time to still catch the Comic Con.

It's Over!

School ended today. Grades are done.

Free at last.

"Wonderfalls" DVD Set

I saw one episode of this quirky show back in 2004 and I was hooked. Unfortunately, it was cancelled after the fourth episode. I bought the DVD set a month ago, and finally had time to watch all of it. I love it!

Next DVD set to watch: AEon Flux (the animated episodes)

A Sad Commentary About Men and Me

I went to a wedding this weekend, and all I did was dance with a couple of gay guys and got hit on by the father-in-law of the bride.

Am I lucky or what?

*rolls eyes*

I Hate Him, Too

I share my classroom with a teacher who has no classroom management skills whatsoever. I can see it by the way the students ignore him, and when he sometimes ignores them. From what other teachers have said, he tries hard to be cool with the students. He lets his kids get away with too much shit.

And my classroom is constantly a mess when I get there after sixth period. There's gum on the white board or in the tracks of the white board; trash on the floor, books left over, candy wrappers and lollipop sticks stuck to the carpet, minor graffiti on the desks... That's just the small stuff. Last Friday was over the top--graffiti on my posters, stolen pins from the walls, so my posters were crooked, a ghetto drawing of Mexican flag higher than the American flag (I think not!), stolen supplies from drawers, and missing books.

I want to bitch and rant at him because this has been going on since September 2005. I've talked to the teacher before to watch his kids, but nothing has been done. In fact, only more books have gone missing since then. Of all things, why do they steal the books? They don't fucking read them!!! How do I know that? Because they leave their own books in my classroom, stashing it in corners, like it was their own private hideaway locker. Why did they steal my CDs? They can't understand Swedish or Japanese rock music? When I mentioned this to the teacher, all he said was, "Sure... I'll talk to them." He said that with such conviction as he nodded his head with a nonchalant yet timid look; I don't fucking believe him at all. He's worse than the Tick. I heard that the principal is going to make a special visit to his classroom to lecture his students. That's just bad. If the principal has to come in to discipline the students, that just shows that the teacher can't do it or is just plain weak.

I hate him. I want my books back, I want my CDs back, I want my stolen goods back, and I hope he doesn't come back next year.

Kill the Television

I can't resist TV. I don't watch it, but when I do, I'm glued to the couch and a day could be wasted. I don't know why I can't just turn it off... there are so many interesting things to watch. It's probably because I resist it all week when I'm not working that it catches up to me when the weekends arrive.

Should I get rid of the cable?

But if I did, I'll never watch educational things on the History or Discovery Channel ever again... or tear-jerkers on the Hallmark Channel. Damn...

Trust Is Not Unconditional

I have instilled the fear of God in my students. My afternoon classes were in fear for their lives after they heard what had happened in my morning classes. I take comfort in that, that they can still be afraid and learn something from this.

The site is down. That is all I wanted. Things are better, but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened. I think they know better now; they know their roles.

Many of them have voiced their concerns that "said-student" crossed the line, and I think they have learned not to mess with a teacher's or anyone's personal life. If they didn't learn that, then they've learned the value of trust and how it will never be the same once it is severed.

Sometimes I think it is my own fault: I'm too friendly or comfortable with the students. Was I gullible in trusting them? I believe in a respectable teacher-student relationship, but I've always known my role and kept a distance. They've opened themselves up to me, and I've shared things (mostly knowledge and advice and experience) with them. But my private life is still my own.

Maybe next year I have to define my boundaries more. As a professor explained once, there is a difference between being friendly and being a friend. Adults and professionals know where the lines are drawn, but teenagers and adolescents can't distinguish the difference. It's virtually the same and so everything is fair game.

My students just learned the difference yesterday. I hope they'll remember it. (And if they don't, I hope karma bites them in the ass!)

I Hate My Sophomores!

I fucking hate my sophomores now. One of them created a fake website about me over the weekend, and I got wind of it today. Although the site is bare, they put up sensitive info nonetheless: my last name and the school name of where I teach. That's too much information. Not only that, they gave it a title that has a negative connotation.

Fuck them all. I know that only one teenager was responsible for it, but since the majority of teenagers that I teach have a website, they all know who created the site, and they are not going to tell on each other.

My privacy has been violated. I don't trust my sophomores anymore. Life for them is hell from here on out.

YouTube.com

My sister and I were clicking links one evening and found this cute and humorous video:

OK Go's "A Million Ways"

I cannot believe how many high school students actually imitate this video for airband and talent show competitions. I find it fascinating.

Pearl Harbor

The one thing I had to see while I was in Hawai'i. It was a very somber experience.

Alma Mater

Recently, one of my younger sister's friends stopped by to visit her. She had gone on a trip for the weekend and missed her, but he and I stayed up and talked to catch up. He is currently working as a substitute at our old alma mater, and the stories he had to tell me weren't very pleasant. The place has gone to shit. It was taken over by the state (but the rumor-mill says that our school was a scapegoat for three other low-performing schools), the principal was fired yet her legacy still lives on, so staff morale is at an all time low; gang activity is increasing (I mean, how many times have dead bodies been dumped on the front lawn already!?), there have been known attacks on teachers as well as direct profanity. The school probably won't pass WASC this time around. It's so depressing that my old high school, a place I was proud to call my alma mater, is slowly decaying and reviving that gangster reputation that it had in the 1960s.

I asked him why he wants to teach there, and he gave me the same reply I give to my students when they ask me why I teach at a "ghetto" high school: "Even bad schools need good teachers."

I just don't know if I would be able to teach in an environment like that. It sounds ten times worse than where I am now.