The Age Thing

I am not really self-conscious about my age; after all, it is only a number within my mind. Often, I have been complimented about my age and how I never really look like someone in their thirties. It is also those same compliments that never make me lament about how old I am getting every year. In addition, my occupation, my non-marital status, and my whimsical and noncommital attitudes towards life have always had people guessing my age at around 25-28. I never complained.

I never really thought about how old I am. It is not something I obsess about... until now.

Recently, I have been toying with the idea of teaching abroad. There are times when I miss Japan and the experience I had there: I miss the cultural exchange and history of a new country, the daily intellectual stimulation of working in a different school environment, the interaction with students who have different ideas and experiences, and most of all, the traveling and touring of a local or regional area. In preparation for this venture, I began updating some professional documents. As a seasoned educator, my experience should be a marketable asset; I have so much to offer to any school. I am at the top of my game. Unfortunately, my age is working against me. Of all things, who would have thought that age would become a disadvantage?

Teachers are like cars. We cannot deny that they are needed in our daily lives, but everyone wants the new one. The 2009 model will have built-in GPS, DVD/TV screens, rear camera, satellite radio, MP3/CD player with iPod capabilities; the new model may even parallel park itself. The old 2002 models will have some outdated features like adjustable seats and steering wheel, digital radio, and CD/tape deck. And it does not matter if the 2002 model upgraded on a few things: new rims, new MP3/CD player and digital radio, new paint job, attached GPS and XM Satellite radio... those things don't matter when you look at its mileage: 130,000 miles. It's old. It's outdated.

As I submit résumés and applications for teaching abroad, there are moments when I despair that I am in competition with young graduates. Is there some subliminal message that thirty-year olds should just settle down already? Were we meant to fade into our forties and leave other goals and dreams unfinished? Young teacher graduates and I have so much in common: optimism, energy, open-minds, love for travel, love for teaching, and love for cultural diversity. But my age and experience will set me far off from them... so far off, that I am pushed aside to make way for the youth.

Represent?

The talk of the school today was the boxing match between Oscar de la Hoya and Manny Pacquiao. The Mexicans were disappointed that De la Hoya lost, while the one Filipino student in class gloated with pride. During some down time, the Filipino student asked me if I watched the fight, and I told him that I didn't watch boxing or any type of sports. He informed me that Pacquiao was Filipino and that I should have watched it.

Inside, I was rolling my eyes. Really? Because I'm Filipino, I have to watch another Filipino person? For what? I hate it when my mother watches the Filipino Channel. My student said that I had to watch the fight in order "to represent" Filipino pride. I flat out told him, "I don't believe in representin'."

"You're whitewashed," he said with disgust.

"I know I am," I shot back with pride.

"You should be ashamed." He rubbed his index finger across his other index finger like a six year old.

"I'm not," I said with a smirk, and at that point, I had to bite my tongue before I said, "Fuck you, you little FOB. Don't tell me what I should be representin, don't tell me what I should be ashamed of, don't tell me what I should do and how I should think when it comes to representin Filipino culture. I know I'm whitewashed, and I'm not ashamed--so don't tell me what to do or how to feel pride. You know who should be ashamed? You should. Your parents left the Philippines. You should be ashamed for not adopting your new home country. You should be ashamed for not representin America. If you have so much love and pride for the Philippines, then go back there. Why do you think I said NO to advising your Filipino Club?"

It is because I am a teacher that I'm not allowed to spew personal diatribes. I do not represent Filipino pride because let's get one thing straight: I never had any. When it comes to representin', it's all about me and my ideas and my beliefs and my individuality. Collective cultural pride does not mean anything to me.